Mischief Mercantile

funny birthday card: "you're my best friend but i still think your dad should have pulled out."

funny birthday card: "you're still alive! how?"

funny birthday card: "too young to die. too old to party past 9pm. happy birthday, you old fuck."

funny birthday card: "time heals everything. but it's not doing wonders for your skin. you should moisturize."

funny romantic card (poem 2): "roses are red. violets are blue. poems are hard. and so am i."

funny anniversary card: "happy anniversary, you sexy bitch."

funny romantic card: "you're the only one i'll still put out for."

funny romantic card: "thanks for still doing weird stuff in the bedroom with me."

funny romantic card: "i hope you stretched, 'cuz shit's gonna get weird."

funny romantic card: "i love how much we hate the same things."

funny card: "congratulations/condolences on your recent notable life event. may this card serve as proof that i remembered and/or recognized its occurrence and your existence in general."

funny baby card: "congrats on your new lifelong burden."

funny father's day card: "i'm glad your pullout game was weak."

funny father's day card: "if you ever think i'm a failure, just remember that i'm 50% your fault."

funny mother's day card: "if you ever think i'm a failure, just remember that i never asked to be here."

funny mother's day card: "sorry you didn't give birth to any winners"

funny mother's day card: "thanks for letting me live rent-free in your vagina for 9 months."

funny mother's/father's day card: "i might not be a doctor but at least i'm not selling hjs behind a walmart. you're welcome."

funny mother's/father's day card: "you gave me life. i gave you something else to complain about. that makes us even."

funny sticker: "but first, mischief"