To the MOON Dick!

Is your space helmet on and secured? Are your forearms enlarged from the grip of your diamond hands? Have you cleared your freezer to make room for all your new tendies?  Did you recently discover the meaning of 'capital gains' on your 2020 taxes? If you answered yes to any of those questions, then welcome aboard the USS Red-Rocket, next stop the muthafucking MOOOOOOON! Use the notecard to tell your friends and loved ones that the Cryptocurrency you bought back in '17 (and wouldn't quit fucking talking about) is finally paying off! Maybe let Jim Cramer know he's an ass-clown and to stuff his mouth with the $GME dick. Maybe that will finally shut him up?? Or one can dream about the day PapaMusk is holding a large Dogecoin dick while on a one-way rocket trip to Mars. But I guess we can settle for it simply taped to the hood of his Tesla Cybertruck... Whatever you want to do with it, here are the Stonk and Crytpo you can choose from: $GME $AMC Bitcoin Ethereum Dogecoin Cardano Litecoin Polkadot Polygon Uniswap If you need a different stonk or coin than what we offer, send us an email and we'd be happy to add it to the list! PS. You can pay for your dicks with Crypto! Just select it as a payment option on checkout.   Some Frequently Asked Dick Questions: - Are the dicks sent anonymously? They sure are! The only clue of where it came from will be Ship A Dick’s return address on the shipping label.  Even if they email us asking who sent it, we’ll tell them it goes against our Ship A Dick Code of Ethics and we won’t give out that private information. - Are you sure they won’t find out I sent it?? I’m really worried… Rest assured your secret is safe with us! We have never and will never give out any order information. - How is this giant dick shipped? We insert the full length penis into a thin brown paper bag, seal it up, slap a shipping label on it and send it out into the wild via the United States Postal Service. Every order gets a large orange sticker that says "Fondle With Care' - How much is shipping? All dicks are shipped via the United States Postal Service. The cheapest shipping option is ‘First Class Mail’ and generally runs about $5 and takes 3-6 business days to arrive. The faster and more expensive option is ‘Priority Mail’. It costs about $7-$12 depending on the destination and will arrive in 1-3 days. All shipping costs will be calculated on the checkout page.  - How long does it take to get there? Generally, we ship dicks within 24hrs after they’re ordered, occasionally within 2 days of an order. No dicks are shipped on weekends; please time your order accordingly. If they are shipped via ‘First Class mail’ then it will take 3-6 business days to arrive once the order is processed. Faster shipping via ‘Priority Mail’ will get your dick there in 1-3 days after the order is processed. We do not guarantee the USPS won’t drop the balls on this.  - Will the recipient know I sent them a giant dick? Nope! They will only see ShipADick.com’s return address. It’s our dirty, little secret. We promise not to tell. - How thick is the dick? Dicks are made of 1/4″ double-walled gluten free, free-range, certified orgasmic cardboard. What they lack in thickness, they deliver, like a Creed slow jam, in beauty and grace. - What color are the dicks? Like your Aunt Edna’s underwear, white on one side, and brown on the other. - Why are you guys even doing this?!?!? Because shipping giant dicks to people brings us more joy than anything else in life (after handies from your mother of course.) - Do you live and operate ShipADick.com out of your parent’s basement? Yes… How’d you guess that?!?!?