The COVID-19 Dick

Finally, the protection you need for the COVID-19 crisis has arrived. While it may not be an oversized box of toilet paper, nor a case of medical masks that would be better suited in the hands of medical workers, it will help bring some smiles to your friends and loved ones. With the widening fears of the pandemic, let us help you make light of this scary situation with some erection protection. Each 29" tall cardboard dick will don a lovely and stylish mask to keep it safe.  0 out of 69 doctors agree that you can strap this to your face while walking through crowds to protect you from the virus. While it lacks protection for you, sleep soundly at night knowing your cardboard dick will stay virus-free, even after attending that sold-out sporting event. Add a free notecard to remind your co-workers to diligently wash their hands. Subtly communicate to your uncle that he should cough into his elbow or at least cover his god-damn mouth.  Send a simple note to your neighbor to not come to your front door to ask to borrow a thermometer to check their temperature. Or mail that love letter to your paramour letting them know you still love them even though you can't seem them for the next 3 weeks as you'll be quarantined with your family. Or maybe send it to your favorite prepper letting them know you're sorry for making fun of their 6 month supply of canned goods for so many years. Better yet, congratulate them and let them know the years of stress, anguish, and paranoia finally paid off and bequeath all your stuff to them as you were never meant for this post-apocalyptic world. Add a free note card above. Every order is sent anonymously! Your secret is safe with us. Some Frequently Asked Dick Questions: - Are the dicks sent anonymously? They sure are! The only clue of where it came from will be Ship A Dick’s return address on the shipping label.  Even if they email us asking who sent it, we’ll tell them it goes against our Ship A Dick Code of Ethics and we won’t give out that private information. - Are you sure they won’t find out I sent it?? I’m really worried… Rest assured your secret is safe with us! We have never and will never give out any order information. - How is this giant dick shipped? We insert the full length penis into a thin brown paper bag, seal it up, slap a shipping label on it and send it out into the wild via the United States Postal Service. Every order gets a large orange sticker that says "Fondle With Care' - How much is shipping? All dicks are shipped via the United States Postal Service. The cheapest shipping option is ‘First Class Mail’ and generally runs about $5 and takes 3-6 business days to arrive. The faster and more expensive option is ‘Priority Mail’. It costs about $7-$12 depending on the destination and will arrive in 1-3 days. All shipping costs will be calculated on the checkout page.  - How long does it take to get there? Generally, we ship dicks within 24hrs after they’re ordered, occasionally within 2 days of an order. No dicks are shipped on weekends; please time your order accordingly. If they are shipped via ‘First Class mail’ then it will take 3-6 business days to arrive once the order is processed. Faster shipping via ‘Priority Mail’ will get your dick there in 1-3 days after the order is processed. We do not guarantee the USPS won’t drop the balls on this.  - Will the recipient know I sent them a giant dick? Nope! They will only see ShipADick.com’s return address. It’s our dirty, little secret. We promise not to tell. - How thick is the dick? Dicks are made of 1/4″ double-walled gluten free, free-range, certified orgasmic cardboard. What they lack in thickness, they deliver, like a Creed slow jam, in beauty and grace. - What color are the dicks? Like your Aunt Edna’s underwear, white on one side, and brown on the other. - Why are you guys even doing this?!?!? Because shipping giant dicks to people brings us more joy than anything else in life (after handies from your mother of course.) - Do you live and operate ShipADick.com out of your parent’s basement? Yes… How’d you guess that?!?!?