The Barbie Dick

Just a Barbie girl living in a cardboard dick world…but it’s time to break free! Some might argue that we should be making a Ken dick instead of a Barbie dick. But tell me dear reader, where the hell is his dick?!? I’m not afraid to admit that I’ve looked. I looked a lot and all I see is a smooth musty front butt, and no floppy, plastic dingaling. One could argue that Barbie actually has more protruding appendages than Ken will ever have and thus we should be honoring this blond polymer bombshell with a dick of her own! (Don’t even get me started on Ken’s “disappointingly low T”...) Or maybe it’s time we up the empowerment game. Pink plastic dicks with Barbie laser engraved on them should be the norm to show the next generation that anything is possible. Headed to a Friday matinee? Order one and hang it around your neck to match your fabulous attire. A fine accouterment for the theater. Need to send a jovial prank? Look no further than this pretty peepee. It will bring a smile to any recipient’s face. Or maybe you’re just looking for a pink pecker for packing. We’re here to help with whatever your needs might be. The Barbie dick is laser cut out of ⅛” Pink Translucent Acrylic and measures 5.75” long and 3.25” wide at the balls. Each pink dick will come with a FREE custom notecard. Enter your message above. On a side note, no, Mr dick hasn’t been sitting in the basement mixing Peptobismol with malt liquor in preparation for the Barbie Movie release. He’d never do that to the civilized, high-class drink of the royal family. He is simply getting into the Barbie Movie spirit and is only adding the Pepto to match his new pink, bedazzled shoes he stole from the kid down the street. “Stole” might be a strong word…they were left neatly next to the front door and everyone knows that anything is fair game after 2 tidal cycles. That’s just common maritime knowledge, right? Right???  He had every right to wear them to the premier and hold onto them for perpetuity. Every order is sent anonymously! Your secret is safe with us. Some Frequently Asked Dick Questions: - Are the dicks sent anonymously? They sure are! The only clue of where it came from will be Ship A Dick’s return address on the shipping label.  Even if they email us asking who sent it, we’ll tell them it goes against our Ship A Dick Code of Ethics and we won’t give out that private information. - Are you sure they won’t find out I sent it?? I’m really worried… Rest assured your secret is safe with us! We have never and will never give out any order information. - How is this giant dick shipped? We insert the full length penis into a thin brown paper bag, seal it up, slap a shipping label on it and send it out into the wild via the United States Postal Service. Every order gets a large orange sticker that says "Fondle With Care' - How much is shipping? All dicks are shipped via the United States Postal Service. The cheapest shipping option is ‘First Class Mail’ and generally runs about $5 and takes 3-6 business days to arrive. The faster and more expensive option is ‘Priority Mail’. It costs about $7-$12 depending on the destination and will arrive in 1-3 days. All shipping costs will be calculated on the checkout page.  - How long does it take to get there? Generally, we ship dicks within 24hrs after they’re ordered, occasionally within 2 days of an order. No dicks are shipped on weekends; please time your order accordingly. If they are shipped via ‘First Class mail’ then it will take 3-6 business days to arrive once the order is processed. Faster shipping via ‘Priority Mail’ will get your dick there in 1-3 days after the order is processed. We do not guarantee the USPS won’t drop the balls on this.  - Will the recipient know I sent them a giant dick? Nope! They will only see ShipADick.com’s return address. It’s our dirty, little secret. We promise not to tell. - How thick is the dick? Dicks are made of 1/4″ double-walled gluten free, free-range, certified orgasmic cardboard. What they lack in thickness, they deliver, like a Creed slow jam, in beauty and grace. - What color are the dicks? Like your Aunt Edna’s underwear, white on one side, and brown on the other. - Why are you guys even doing this?!?!? Because shipping giant dicks to people brings us more joy than anything else in life (after handies from your mother of course.) - Do you live and operate ShipADick.com out of your parent’s basement? Yes… How’d you guess that?!?!?