Plastic Eating Fungi Force

MILLIONS OF YEARS AGO, before the dawn of mushrooms as we know them, in the fifth period of the third era, during the age of amphibians, there was Sir Sal of Mander, a frog-like creature making crude and pointless networks out of bug exoskeletons and his own waste, hurling them at elf-like creatures with crinkled hands regardless of how they behaved the previous year. These so-called "thanks" were burned as witches, and defecated upon, and hurled at predators when wakened by the searing grunts of children. A war-like race of fungi from the Red Planet landed on the ice-encased Earth, and they were immediately enslaved by the unevolved Megacephalus to make his confused feasts using galactic elven technology. Trees were made into recognizable shapes and given names like "substrate," but these were also thrown at predators and defecated upon because they were so stupid. Thanksgiving still sucked, in a big way. THOUSANDS OF YEARS AGO the ice had covered the globe. Sal Mander did not know where the North Pole was. How could he? He was born before science existed. So he arbitrarily placed his workshop RIGHT HERE, long before they unionized, and mushrooms evolved to break down and digest the miles-thick feast of dead trees that covered the Earth. And as he burrowed his way up from hell, Santa confronted the pilgrims. "I WILL GRANT YOU THREE WISHES" he said. And that is how we got Thanksgiving, and Christmas, and Dig Dug for the Nintendo Entertainment System. • 100% ring-spun cotton • Grey is 90% ring-spun cotton, 10% polyester • 4.5 oz/yd² (153 g/m²) • Shoulder-to-shoulder taping • Quarter-turned to avoid crease down the center • Blank product sourced from Bangladesh, Nicaragua, Honduras, Dominican Republic, Haiti or Guatemala This product is made especially for you as soon as you place an order, which is why it takes us a bit longer to deliver it to you. Making products on demand instead of in bulk helps reduce overproduction, so thank you for making thoughtful purchasing decisions!