Little 'Beeber' Dick

Full disclosure—we’re beliebers here at the dick factory. His rise to stardom is the biggest news out of Canada since Celine Dion whipped her penis across the border and smashed the Titanic. While some beliebe his mere existence should mandate a wall along the Canadian border, we watch his foolhardy antics like a rabid wolverine in Nintendo’s Duck Cunt. As a result of our former love affair (can you call a weekly fisting session love?) with Harvey Levin, we’re privy to some exclusive information regarding the boy wonder. A kind of anti-Pinocchio, it appears Justin Beeber’s genitalia has been shrinking since 2005. It seems he’s afflicted with the rare yet deadly “Douchebaggio Syndrome.” Every time he gets a new tattoo, meant to symbolize some half-conceived notion on the front cover of a book his assistant almost looked at, an inch inches away. Every time he drives drunk or pees in the corner of a restaurant, his balls constrict like embarrassed hedgehogs. To spread awareness of our hero’s unfortunate ailment, we’re offering the one & only Little Beeber Dick. In solidarity with this needle-dick bugfucker, we’ve reduced our ’29 inch phallus to a diminutive 5.5 inches. We need to be honest: the actual shaft size is just shy of 4 inches. Yes, we realize this is a very generous interpretation... Like a chorus line of Chlamydia and Crabs, let’s spread the word and our legs and end this horrible condition once and for all. Know somebody so preoccupied with his miniature pony that he acts like a boner of Clydesdalic proportions? Send him a Beeber Dick and revel in your charitable contribution. Together, we can end this grave infirmity once and for all. Add a free note card above. ***Note: Any correlation between our product and the lovable Canadian crooner (last name Bieber) is unfounded speculation & purely coincidental *** Every order is sent anonymously! Your secret is safe with us.   Some Frequently Asked Dick Questions: - Are the dicks sent anonymously? They sure are! The only clue of where it came from will be Ship A Dick’s return address on the shipping label.  Even if they email us asking who sent it, we’ll tell them it goes against our Ship A Dick Code of Ethics and we won’t give out that private information. - Are you sure they won’t find out I sent it?? I’m really worried… Rest assured your secret is safe with us! We have never and will never give out any order information. - How is this giant dick shipped? We insert the full length penis into a thin brown paper bag, seal it up, slap a shipping label on it and send it out into the wild via the United States Postal Service. Every order gets a large orange sticker that says "Fondle With Care' - How much is shipping? All dicks are shipped via the United States Postal Service. The cheapest shipping option is ‘First Class Mail’ and generally runs about $5 and takes 3-6 business days to arrive. The faster and more expensive option is ‘Priority Mail’. It costs about $7-$12 depending on the destination and will arrive in 1-3 days. All shipping costs will be calculated on the checkout page.  - How long does it take to get there? Generally, we ship dicks within 24hrs after they’re ordered, occasionally within 2 days of an order. No dicks are shipped on weekends; please time your order accordingly. If they are shipped via ‘First Class mail’ then it will take 3-6 business days to arrive once the order is processed. Faster shipping via ‘Priority Mail’ will get your dick there in 1-3 days after the order is processed. We do not guarantee the USPS won’t drop the balls on this.  - Will the recipient know I sent them a giant dick? Nope! They will only see ShipADick.com’s return address. It’s our dirty, little secret. We promise not to tell. - How thick is the dick? Dicks are made of 1/4″ double-walled gluten free, free-range, certified orgasmic cardboard. What they lack in thickness, they deliver, like a Creed slow jam, in beauty and grace. - What color are the dicks? Like your Aunt Edna’s underwear, white on one side, and brown on the other. - Why are you guys even doing this?!?!? Because shipping giant dicks to people brings us more joy than anything else in life (after handies from your mother of course.) - Do you live and operate ShipADick.com out of your parent’s basement? Yes… How’d you guess that?!?!?