Jeff's Consulting Services - Virality Focus

Why are you charging so much?   Partly because I really shouldn't even be doing this at all right now -- I should be focusing on my own projects that I've been neglecting...  NOTE: If you think of it as an hourly rate, then I'm the first to admit, it's absurdly high. But you're NOT paying for a few hours of my time - or whatever it ends up being; you're paying for my YEARS of experience - and the 10,000+ hours (and many sleepless nights) spent A-B Testing tiny details and studying the data to determine the impact on virality) that turned that experience into expertise.  Can you make my [xxxxxxxx] go viral? - Probably not. Wait, WHAT?!?  - I estimate that the average person has less than a 0.001% likelihood of creating something that truly goes viral. For comparison, I estimate that ~10% of the things I create will go viral. Now, a few important things to note: That would make me 10,000 times better at creating virality than the average person - which I believe I am. However, that still means that 90% of my creations will NOT go viral!  Also, I generally CREATE all my new stuff with virality already in mind - so if  you're asking me to take your [already-created, non-viral product/service/content] and make it go viral, well, just FYI: that's harder.  So, NO, based on probabilities, I probably will NOT be able to make your [xxxxxx] go viral. BUT I GUARANTEE I'LL AT LEAST GIVE YOU A BETTER CHANCE THAN YOU HAVE WITHOUT ME!  P.S. You won't believe this based on what you just read, but I'm actually pretty humble and unassuming in real life - and I hate the idea of possibly coming across as cocky or arrogant - so I feel compelled to tell you that I SUCK AT MANY, MANY THINGS! (Understanding Virality just happens to be one area I'm f*ckin' great at :)