I Identify as a Komatsu D355A Killdozer

This mug isn’t here to hold coffee. It’s here to hold the line. Live your truth. Drink accordingly. • Ceramic • 11 oz mug dimensions: height 3.85" (9.8 cm), diameter 3.35" (8.5 cm) • 15 oz mug dimensions: height 4.7" (12 cm), diameter 3.35" (8.5 cm) • Lead and BPA-free material • Glossy finish • Dishwasher and microwave safe ❓Why do you identify as a bulldozer? Because I’ve evolved beyond the limitations of flesh and bureaucracy. My truest form is armored, diesel-fueled, and emotionally unavailable. I am not “sir.” I am not “ma’am.” I am machinery. ❓But you’re clearly a human? That’s hate speech. ❓Is this a phase? Yes. A hydraulic phase. With a 12-cylinder turbo-diesel engine and reinforced plating. You may call it delusional. I call it liberated. ❓What do your friends and family think? They’ve been instructed to refer to me as D355A in all communications. My mother refuses, which is why she no longer has a shed. ❓What bathroom do you use? Whichever one I crash through. ❓How do you feel? Heavy. Purposeful. Unstoppable. I wake up each morning with the deep, mechanical certainty that I was built to clear obstacles—both physical and ideological. ❓Is this a joke? Only if reality is. ❓Do you expect others to affirm this identity? Absolutely. Failure to do so is erasure. Also, maybe manslaughter, depending on what gear I’m in.